Dating in Berlin has a reputation, but what’s behind it?
Last year, we asked more than 100 international singles living in Berlin about their experiences of dating in the city, and we heard some telling answers.
Find out below which obstacles they were facing, and what felt frustrating (although anyone who has spent any time dating here probably won’t be surprised).
Almost ¾ of respondents said they were frustrated with dating apps.
Half said they had struggled to find the time to deal with dating.
Half also said they had been ghosted after a first date.
But the result that was the most telling for me was this: 61% said they had difficulty navigating cultural differences.
Dating in an international city
You can meet people from all parts of the world in Berlin, and that is a big part of why this city is so interesting and exciting. But it also means that people find themselves in social circles they might not necessarily be in otherwise.
I always say that dating is challenging enough without the extra layer of living abroad. Two people can arrive at a date with very different ideas of what communication, relationships, family, commitment, or even physical affection is supposed to look like.
I don’t think those differences are always incompatibilities, but they do require a strong level of communication skill, the energy to be curious, and a willingness to understand that the person in front of you is potentially showing up with a different set of expectations and narratives.
That is incredibly difficult to capture in a dating app profile.
Dating is changing in general
This survey was a snapshot in time with a small data set, but the larger dating world has been going through some big changes since then.
Two weeks ago, dating app giant Bumble agreed to be taken private after a pattern of decreasing revenue and paying users. Tinder, the company that helped make swiping so ubiquitous is now pivoting strongly away from the traditional swipe-and-match format, including in-person events and group experiences. Tinder Events expanded to Berlin this year (although at time of writing, there are no planned events here). Thursday, MindfulDates, Pitchen Statt Swipen, and a myriad other event organisers are popping up to fill the demand for a return to “irl” i(n real life) dating, each with a very different approach.
It’s not hard to see that there is a theme here: people haven’t stopped wanting relationships. But many are tired of the ways that exist to find them.
So is Berlin the most challenging place to date?
Honestly, probably not. Dating can be difficult everywhere, for different reasons, and Berlin definitely doesn’t have a monopoly on ghosting or bad communication. What I can say is that Berlin is incredibly international, and that comes with transience and mismatched expectations that are best approached with a healthy dose of communication and curiosity.
What our survey suggests is this: Berlin singles still want relationships; they just want better ways to find them.
With love,
Alysia
Founder & Lead Matchmaker, Alto Matchmaking