Dating in Germany 101 - your cheatsheet to communicating
If you’re dating in Germany, you’ve probably noticed that the vocabulary of love can feel just as unfamiliar as the culture itself. Germany doesn’t necessarily have the same “dating culture” as many other Western countries do, and so it’s worth doing some homework first. In many cases, people meet each other through social circles, meet a few times as friends, then decide to commit to something romantic. This is slowly changing with the increased use of dating apps, but overall some expats can find this casual attitude towards dating rather unromantic.
Regardless, whether you’re using dating apps, working with a “Partnervermittlung” (German equivalent of a matchmaking agency), or just trying to understand when your colleague complains “Ich suche einfach etwas Ernstes”, it helps to know the local dating language.
Below is a short glossary of common German dating terms. This list is meant for expats who want to communicate better and are ready to date more confidently!
Essential German Dating Terms
Partnervermittlung (Matchmaking Agency)
A Partnervermittlung is a professional matchmaking service - the traditional term for what we now call “matchmaking”.
In German, the adopted English word “matchmaking” often refers to professional corporate headhunters and recruiters, which can be confusing!
Another difference is that the word “Partnervermittlung” often refers to a business model in which both people are paying for a service. With more modern matchmakers, this is often not the case - for example, it’s 100% free to join Alto’s singles database!
Use it when: talking about professional support for intentional dating.
Example: Ich bin bei einer Partnervermittlung angemeldet. (“I’m registered with a matchmaking agency”).
Ernsthafte Beziehung (Serious Relationship)
Literally “serious relationship”, this phrase signals someone who is dating with long-term intentions, not casual or short-term.
When someone says they want an ernsthafte Beziehung, they usually mean commitment, partnership, and shared long-term goals.
Use it when: you’re defining your relationship goals clearly.
Example: Ich suche eine ernsthafte Beziehung. (“I’m looking for a serious relationship”).
Alleinstehend / Ledig / Single (Single)
These are all ways to say single in German. You will see “alleinstehend” and “ledig” on official forms, referring to if you are married or in a formal registered partnership. Most Germans will refer to themselves as “single” in everyday conversation; this is another word that has been adopted from English.
Use it when:
Alleinstehend - This word is literally used to denote someone who lives alone. This person could still be married, but living separately from their partner. Any children are either adults and/or moved out of the house.
Ledig - This word means someone who is legally single, and has never been married or in a legally binding partnership (see #4).
Single - This is a colloquial term for someone who is not in a relationship of any kind.
Lebenspartner / Lebenspartnerin (Life Partner)
A word that reflects the German cultural preference for stability and equality in relationships: a Lebenspartner:in is more than a boyfriend/girlfriend - it’s someone you share your life with, even if you are not married. Since the legalisation of same-sex marriage in 2017, it can also refer to a legally-binding partnership without marriage, which governs matters relating to family and tax law.
Use it when: describing a long-term, committed relationship.
Example: Ich suche einen Lebenspartner, nicht nur ein Abenteuer. (“I’m looking for a life partner, not just an adventure”).
Kennenlernen (Getting to Know Someone)
You’ll hear this word constantly in dating conversations. Germans take the “Kennenlernphase”, generally after the first date or two, seriously - it’s the intentional and sometimes slow process before defining the relationship (akin to “talking” in English).
Use it when: you’re in the early, exploratory stage.
Example: Wir sind noch in der Kennenlernphase. (“We're still getting to know each other”).
Beziehungspause (Break/Pause in a Relationship)
Used when couples decide to take time apart without officially ending things. Germans tend to communicate directly, so this word often comes with clear expectations and boundaries. No doubt many millennials will only hear Ross Geller’s voice in their head when they read this.
Use it when: discussing a temporary break.
Example: Wir machen eine Beziehungspause. (“We’re taking a break from our relationship”).
Treue / Untreue (Faithfulness / Infidelity)
Treue is loyalty or faithfulness, not only physical but emotional and relating to one’s character - usually a core value in long-term relationships. Untreue in a relationship context means infidelity. Both are powerful words that reveal the seriousness with which relationships are often treated in German culture.
Alleinerziehend (Single Parent)
An important one to know especially for those dating as single parents. It’s a neutral, widely-used term that simply describes your situation - not your identity!
Use it when: introducing your family situation
Example: Ich bin alleinerziehend mit einem Kind. (“I’m a single parent with one child”).
Bonus: Everyday Dating Expressions
Ich treffe mich mit jemand anderem / ich bin schon vergeben - “I am already seeing someone”
Ich mag dich - “I like you”
To be used while romantic feelings are still developing, but you want to express your affection.
Ich will nichts Ernstes - “I don’t want anything serious”.
Take this one seriously, no matter in which language it is said! It can save you heartache down the road.
Matchmaker’s Insight
Understanding local dating language isn’t just about translation - it’s about emotional intelligence.
When you know how to express what you’re looking for, and understand what others mean, you build connections that are honest and respectful.